I learned something today. I think a large part of the reason there are so many girls who’ve been crippled emotionally by guys and the reason there are so many guys who are perceived as “dicks” but don’t feel as if they’ve done anything terribly wrong. (Partially because [in my opinion] we get into these relationships much too early and during a very emotionally, physically and psychologically turbulent time of our lives, but I’ll save that for another post). The reason being guys are afraid of emotions, and not just ours, those of girls as well.
Our fear of emotions prevents us from properly assessing, dealing with and talking about our own emotions as well as those of the opposite sex (I can’t really comment on whether or not it’s the same with gay couples because I’ve never spoken to one but I would imagine it is)
We avoid facing our emotions and those of our partners straight on and work towards a resolution, instead we often prefer to find the easy way out or around the situation with as little friction as possible. But there is no easy way out of a situation that involves the intertwined psychologies of two people; and that’s exactly what love is.
It’s mental and effects how your brain works. It’s like being on drugs for a long time (except the drug is real and alive and in many ways just like you, constantly changing); after doing it awhile it starts to change you. In the way that you think and the way that you do things. And similarly to drugs it can be an amazing experience but it can also be very dangerous one with serious negative repercussions.
We (men that is) deal with our emotions on a very basic level which isn’t very helpful because emotions are far from basic. They’re powerful, complicated, hard to define and sometimes hard to control and are influenced by dozen different factors, some of which have conflicting interests. It’s hard enough to understand and master emotions when we study them empirically, so it’s nearly impossible to do so when we actively avoid the subject like a phone call from a drunk ex.
For guys especially, it’s not even something we’re supposed to discuss; it’s not “manly”. And it becomes less and less acceptable to talk about as you grow older which is unfortunate because the emotions only grow in intensity and complexity as we age. Maybe because we’ve conceived this whole idea that showing our feelings is a sign of weakness so we are told to suppress them and never let them see the light of day. But maybe if we didn’t spend so much I’m running from our emotions and actually engaging them and engaging those of our loved ones we would have less emotionally vulnerable women, less insensitive men and less people who have gone through less than a quarter of their expected lifespans feeling as if they’re going to be alone forever.
Now, I’m not claiming to be an expert in the subject; far from it. I as well have had my fair share of troubled relationships and neglect of my emotions. The Dr. Love thing is just a reference to a KISS song. Calling Dr. Love
This is just some friendly advice i’d like to offer to my friends or anyone who values it because we’ve all gone through it, and from what I’ve seen the only thing people take away from the experience is pain and the belief that their emotions are some kind STI that needs to be concealed. But if you hide from your emotions how are you ever going to love someone properly? Love is meant to be unconditional; without borders and without restraints, anything less than that is hyped up infatuation or just strong feelings of desire. Loving another person is something that does come naturally to all of us but it is also something that we have to learn and although we do learn from pain we could learn a whole lot more through talking.
And you shouldn’t be catching your feelings, you should be embracing them. Let them slap you in the face, come in like a wrecking ball, render you completely speechless and fill your body with a warm tingly sensations.